Animal Channelling

ANIMAL CHANNELLING

I'd seen a channeller once before when I was a girl, and I was very impressed. It's a gift some people have: to be able to, like, receive another being or a spirit, and channel what they have to say. The lady I saw channelled a warrior prince from a distant galaxy: it was freaky but it was, like, an amazing eye-opener. So when I heard about the animal channeller, I couldn't believe it. What an incredible gift to possess: to be so in tune with the animals around us that he can communicate their thoughts. I took Sukie along, since she loves her animals, and I thought it might help her come to terms with the passing of her dog Moonchild. 

You'd think channellers would be, like, these weird, intense sorts, wearing sorcerer's robes or something, but they're really just normal, humble people like me and you. The animal channeller, Tantarex, is just a regular, quiet, shortish guy in a shirt. He’s, like, really nice and he tells us to relax and think of the animals we love. Sukie was thinking of Moonchild and she cried, but the most unbelievable thing happened: I was thinking of dolphins and whales because I've always been drawn to them, and I swear to God, Tantarex says right there that he is getting a message from a dolphin! I promise on my mother's grave that what happened is true. The guy goes, like, totally still with his eyes shut tight for ages. It must have been at least five minutes; Sukie thought he had fallen asleep. Then suddenly he starts twitching, contorting his face and twisting around on his chair. It almost looks like he's smiling, baring his teeth. All of a sudden he sits up and opens his eyes wide. At first he makes, like, that clicking, whirring noise that dolphins make - but it is a dolphin, it's totally real! I've never heard anything like it. Then he stops and looks around for a bit, then very calmly he says to us: "Brothers and sisters." His voice is amazing, it's so croaky, kind of like ET's voice. Old and wise, but still with that dolphin sound - it's freaky. You can see the dolphin's pain and anguish flowing through Tantarex, he's right in front of you. The dolphin says "Why do you hurt us?...the nets...the noise from the sea-machines...we are your ancient brethren, you have forgotten." Sometimes it’s, like, too hard to translate, so he speaks in dolphin for a bit, but what the dolphin has to say is amazing. We really must stop poisoning the oceans. 

The other animals Tantarex channels are a horse - it turns out what they want is more space to run free  - and an eagle. The eagle spirit is so strong it even makes him flap his arms, it’s, like, that eager to get its message across. The only thing that spoils it is when a couple of giggling lads get Tantarex to channel their deceased Russian meerkat: you know, from those TV ads. Fortunately, someone whispers in his ear that it's a joke before he's channelled too much of the meerkat. Sukie buys his DVD after the performance, and just when we're going, Tantarex comes up to us and asks me if I had been thinking of dolphins, or meerkats. I say yes, and, like, he places his hands on my breasts for a really long time, then he tells me he can actually feel how I had been thinking of dolphins. What an amazing gift!  He asked for my phone number, he is a really nice guy. Sukie says he channels a dog on the DVD that is 100% definitely her dog Moonchild. He channels something about liking sausages that she says could only be Moonchild. I wouldn't believe half of it myself if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but animal chanelling is, like, the real deal, or at least the guy I saw is.